Cry Before

So yesterday I woke up as usual to little girls knocking on my door and another one banging on her own door saying, "poopy, poopy". Nothing too bad but all of a sudden I rushed back into my room and burst into tears.

What on earth is an organized introvert woman doing having a fourth child!

We had talked about this before we got pregnant, but I guess in my mind, I was always imagining the kids when they were older and most of the toys were gone. The reality of having 3 kids at home next year making messes all over the house and all kids screaming at each other made me start to get really nervous. I lost it for a moment and as I started to come back together I looked at Dan and said, "well, I guess it is better to cry before the little man gets here."

Dan and I talked about it and I am really struggling with how to balance time with all of them in this really important time in their lives. Thankfully and unfortunately, we have very passionate and different children who need lots of attention to who they are. I realize that I can't always have time to teach and love on each of them individually and I will have to do some of it in a group type setting but I don't know how to do that. I want so much for each of my kids to succeed and I am really starting to get nervous that I can't help them achieve that.

This leads me straight back to what I know, God knows best and He will give me what I need to help each child grow to who they should be. I also am very aware with hard headed children that they will end up making their own choices and I just need to pray that they will be wise and that mentors who love God will come into their lives to help them make decisions.

One last thought, pray that my untouchy self will be ready to hold and be touched a ton by the little man when he comes.